jeering

wow, i haven't actually written in this journal for such a long time, yet still i can't think of anything to write, just like before. (well, pretty much, haha.)

okay so... wow, i've been in university for like 2 and a half months already. quite a change from my last journal. its going excellently, except for the fact that i hate painting!!!!!! well, maybe i don't, but i do hate painting still life. could it be any more boring? probably not. i'm probably biased because i suck at it but lets disregard that. ah, what else to say.. i'm in love with drawing class. i like it because its basically... instant satisfaction. not the same with photography, where the satisfaction part doesn't come in for like 4 hours, after you're finished making your prints and just staring at them.

um, what else.... i'm obsessed with all time low and the maine all of a sudden. (who honestly doesn't love the cover the maine did for "i wanna love you"??!) all time low is playing at kool haus on november 23rd in t.o.... its not too far but i don't know who would want to go with me. :( slkgj

i guess thats it.


okay... so i'm going to put this journal in my bookmarks so i remember to actually come here and update. <3

after much moaning and whining for years and years, i finally went out and bought myself a tablet. i couldn't resist, it was 20 bucks on sale and i already had a future shop gift certificate. it was meant to be. and what a good buy, it's so much easier to finish art now.

sooo, i don't really know what else to write. usually i come here when i'm pissed off and i want to get something off of my mind but i'm in a generally very happy mood right now!

:) bye!

so i'm attending university of toronto: mississauga for art and art history in september! i just applied to courses and it just made it that much more real and exciting! god this is going to be so much fun, i really can't wait. :D:D:D

oh well, i guess thats all i had to say.

ps random side note - just found out my family owns a fender jazz bass? when the fuck did that happen!? oh well.. thats pretty cool. lol

:]

so, i've been accepted to the a&ah program at utm. at first it felt awesome, but somehow my mother has managed to make me feel horrible about it. there's been a lot of stress lately coming from my family, basically telling me that i definitely am not going to have a job afterwards and that this entire art biz will take me no where. it's all very discouraging. sometimes i just wish i had one of those parents who said stuff like "if you believe in it enough, you can do it" or "you can do whatever you want". on the one side, i understand she's trying to watch out for me, but... where was my family 6 months ago when i was trying to decide what programs to apply to? of course, after i've applied, my mom tells me i should have applied to other universities too. thanks, mom. thanks a lot. like i need any more stress.

and when i tell her i really can't do those other degrees in math and science, she doesn't believe me. i really... really... am not good at math. i don't enjoy it, i'm not good at it, i simply can't wrap my head around figures and proofs and probabilities, okay? look, i'm not even at the university yet and i'm already stressed out. she's telling me i'm not ready for university. well, i've got to go sometime. sorry that i can't live at home for the rest of my life but it's inevitable that i have to go get an education /somewhere/.

this whole job business.. i wish people would just lay off. apparently /everyone/ she talks to has said that there's absolutely no future in art and anyone she knows who's gone for art is either very lucky for having a wealthy spouse or very unlucky for not finding a job after schooling. there is no other alternative. i'm either doomed to a poor lifestyle or to relying on a husband, which i won't stand for.

the fact is, i believe that i have what it takes to survive in that job world and find something worthwhile. what i don't need is a horde of people on my back telling me i can't make it. i wish i could talk to someone from the program so that i could ask them questions about it. i don't even know who to talk to about this. it's not like my friends can do anything about it.. it's not like the guidance counselors at my school know what the fuck they're talking about.

and there's no fucking way i'm becoming a teacher. forget that shit. i can't stand routine, and you know what, restrictions don't flow with me. i don't need to be a teacher to be successful and i don't need every other person asking me if i'm going to be one.

what i need is some reassurance in myself and in my decision. and what other alternative do i have than to pursue a career in art? i've also been accepted to OCAD for graphic design.. that's a possibility but it's slightly limiting. i feel that.. at utm.. i would just be exposed to more types of artistry.

i don't even know anymore. what the heck am i gonna do? :(

man do i ever love gossip.
"oh my god they're going out?"
"wait, they're not?"
"then who is he going out with?"
"why would he go out with her?"
"why are they back together?"
"he is gonna be so pissed."

seriously. it's hilarious.

just loggin in quickly to say what i got for christmas..
well, the best present was the new tmobile cell phone i got.
also, some cut off black and white striped gloves+scarf and a cute wintery hat.
i got some chocolate, and a nice cross necklace.
and some ugg-like boots that are definitely only for inside because.. just because.
and i got 50 dollars in gift certificates to shoppers + chapters.

very nice christmas, got more than i need and i'm really thankful for it.
gtg now

i am so pissed off. but not really, but sort of. it's not really worth being pissed off but i am anyways. so, i hide one of my friend's binders because he's ALWAYS the one who's annoying the fuck out of people or grabbing at their stuff so i thought i'd show him what it's like. during first period, he comes into class and /jokingly/ he's like "i can't find my binder!" so through my laughing i tell him i hid it behind a door in the music room. sure enough, third period rolls around and he goes "where's my math note? i can't find my math note" and he somehow thinks that i TOOK it or HID it and now it's all my fault that it's missing. first of all, when i hid the binder, there was no freaking note anywhere around it and he's claiming that the note was on top. if i had seen a note, i would have put it with binder. and since there was no note, that must therefore mean that the note is still WHERE HE LEFT IT in the music room. but honestly, even if i DID hide it, it's just a damn MATH NOTE. five years from now you are not going to be saying "fuck i really wish i had that math note for that one class"

it doesn't fucking matter
people take shit way too seriously, but he's just the sort of person who's pissed off all of the time so i guess i couldn't really expect much more of a civilized manner from him. it's just so annoying to be sitting there and have him accuse me repeatedly that i took it. he just doesn't SHUT THE FUCK UP. and he's got this nasally voice and he's just droning on and on. not to mention making me look like a big jerk for "hiding" his oh so important note.

okay well that was a nice rant, good to get that out
on a different note.. really hope the kalan site gets up and running soon i've been going adobe crazy making icons and i can't wait until people start popping up and using them :)

today from 5:30 - 10:30

and i need to do stupid ethics homework
damn it !




film got a million times better today
we started watching psycho and i re-made a friend, if that makes sense

film still sucks, but i can't drop it now

art is going to be a shitload of work
art to do list:
-a billion sketches
-5 similar theme masterpieces
-studios every week
-some shit assignment to help grade nines
-practically RUN the town art gallery


and there's probably more things but i think i'm forgetting them


ethics is hilarious ! but the loneliness of a long distance runner is ridiculously boring, so far, anyways... i'm on page 30 of about 60? half way... sort of sucks, oh well

doesn't make ethics any less hilarious

& i'm only here because stupid isketch isn't working DAMN THAT

i thought my classes would be easy, but they're pretty hardcore, i guess that's what grade twelve is all about..

psych is amazing, and will be amazing, the end.

don't even sit next to anyone in my film class because my friend dropped it... darn him. at least i have a good seat for watching movies.

ethics is gonna be fucking hard... i'm writing a 500 word assignment right now and it's only the first day

lunch is boring

art is fun ! as expected


the end
the boys are cuter this year

i just made cheesecake and it came out totally crappy !

i'm so upset.. maybe i just have to let it sit in the fridge for a while.. i dunno... it tasted better when it was still just mixed and not cooked... darn it! why meeeeee i just want some decent cheesecake here, people, is that so much to ask!?

you know what i need? a guy! who can make me delicious cheesecake since i obviously have no skills (why a guy you ask? no reason, they're just more fun). i get a billion points in effort and enthusiasm though.

fuck this, i'll just buy my cheesecake from now on

also.. i bought some school supplies today.. walmart was so packed.. i hate procrastinating, oh MY GOD I HATE IT but i do it all the time and then i totally regret it

WHY
WHY DO I DO THIS STUPID THING CALLED PROCRASTINATING?

it's so bad
i hate it alot

to do list:
-pack school bag
-call david to set up lesson times
-decide what to do with my life
-make decent cheesecake
-buy a coldplay cd
-organize shit
-organize life
-profess love

sounds do-able ! (not)

i really should be washing dishes right now, but i'm not (woo, rebel !)

i've got to work today from 3:30-8:30... i actually woke myself up this morning because i wasn't sure if i worked 8:30-3:30 or 3:30-8:30... ugh woke up for nothing, then my mom and i went "garage-saleing" but there were no good finds today, i guess no one really has any garage sales up due to the fact that it's the end of the summer

my ear sort of hurts too, and it's itchy... but it almost feels like it's bruised or something on the inside, if anyone wants to be informed about any of my other bodily functions, please feel free to tell me, i know it's riveting

i can hear down in heaven playing in the background.. but it's on repeat and starting to get sort of annoying, i always do that to myself. i fall in love with a song and then play it 100430570 times and then realize i'm sick of it and i won't listen to it again for like a month

uh, i just got a facebook msg... i should go see what that all about, i guess

i hope i go school shopping soon... i need...... white out

i bought the new kalan porter cd, yesterday

gotta say that i'm pretty impressed.. although it'd be super if i knew most of the lyrics (there aren't any on the internet) there's still some gems in there, personally love "wrong"

and i watched the messengers last nights
lawlers, what a weird and predictable movie
all the "heartfelt" moments were borderline cheesy.. and it wasn't really scary at all, but i guess that's why it was pg-13... also.. it wasn't very believable... like.. all this ridiculously weird shit happens and the characters barely pay any attention to it... for a couple examples...

girl opens a cupboard and sees a toy truck at the back of the cupboard, but for some reason opens only one door so she can't reach it (my friends and i were like "why the hell doesn't she just open the other door?)
anyways, all of a sudden, the toy LURCHES forward into her hand
wtf? and she barely pay attention to that fact.. she pretty much acts like nothing happened and goes on looking around the house

second example..
the mom sees a stain on the wall (that looks curiously like dried blood), and washes it
the next day, stain returns... what does she do? washes it again. (repeat 2 times)

WHY DO THEY NOT JUST LEAVE THE HOUSE?
"because then there wouldn't be a movie"

no shit, but like... so not gonna happen

third example..
girl has to bring boxes to basement (after she OFFERS to help around the house.. no teenage girl offers to help around the house, okay?),
basement is locked, so she turns around to put the boxes down
when she turns back around... basement door is left ajar
what does she do?
SHE GOES DOWNSTAIRS
no way, man
i'd be like "fuck this, do it yourself, mom"
no force on the earth could make me go down into a dark basement when freaky shit like that was happening
and then she finds a dead crow, and she POKES it with the shortest fucking stick i've ever seen... and it "comes to life", flies around the rooms and then leaves
and then she gets attacked by freaking floor mold or something

fourth example!
girl gets attacked by dead people
what does she do? the first thing anyone would, tell somebody
obviously people don't believe her
but hell... if that was me and nobody believed me i'd be like "fuck you guys, this place is haunted!" and i would RUN AWAY !

nope, she just goes investigate further !
L O L ridiculous

fifth and final example
girl goes into some creepy ass barn for some reason
door locks behind her, so she starts like freaking or whatevs
and she sees this CREEPY FUCKING EMO KID FACING THE CORNER in fetal position and what does she do? i swear she gets as close as fuckin' possible and starts TALKING to it as if it looks like a normal person or something and when it turns around and she realizes it's living dead THEN she freaks out

oh my GOD

but then we watched blades of glory and it made everything better
JON HEDER (L)
WILL FERRELL (L)

some shameless plug kalan porter icons

go to kalanporterfan.com & join the fanlisting !







uhhh just in case..
none of the images belong to me..
& the brushes belong to hybrid-genesis

so school is fast approaching... whee? actually my semester is pretty easy and REALLY fun.. this is how it goes..

first - psychology
second - film
third - studies in literature
fourth - lunch
fifth - art

i love love love having art at the end of the day. super fun.. just a great way to end the and for the first time in like two years i have lunch with my best friend, which is awesome because it's out last year. we're grade twelves now... woo ! top of the chain... finally. i'm gonna have a blast making fun of grade nines who think they're awesome. i feel bad for the ones who don't know anybody though, because that was totally me in grade nine. didn't know a soul and i ended up totally depressed the first couple of days but after a while i just sort of shoved myself into people's lives and made friends and now i couldn't be happier!

so yeah... i can't believe that i'm actually excited for school... usually it's like "OMG WHY!" but the summer has been so ridiculously boring that school actually looks great compared to it. plus i just really need to see everybody again.. damn i miss people. i totally suck at getting together with people over the summer too. it'll be like "i'll call you" at the end of the school year but then you never do.

and then you feel sort of bad?
oh well.

um.. i'm making a vow to myself to update more now. because.. i dunno... even if no one reads these.. it's cool to look back and be like "wow.. i remember that" at something that you otherwise would have forgotten. and i like the typing bit because i can actually type and my handwriting is so unpredictable/messy/non-consistent and i hate it.

pretty long journal considering i felt i had virtually nothing to write about when i came here

OMG shameless plug time
so i'm staff on a kalan porter fansite that's been running since 2004
yeah i became very enamoured with kalan recently
and the owner invited me to be staff and i was like "hellz yeahz"
so now i'm staff... and i make fun graphics
and the website is kalanporterfan.com!
it's a pretty awesome site considering the owner pretty much did everything herself... it's sort of dead right now but we're in the process of reviving it because kalan ... well, hey.. his new album came out today! woohoo ! definitely have to go get that baby soon..

anyways.. time to end this i 'spose.. laterz

so it's FREEZING outside. i feel like it's seriously gonna snow any day now. so much for going to some amusement park for a little bit of summer fun. didn't even hear about the ex this year, barely. i really wanted to go to wonderland. oh well.

my hands are too cold to type.. better just stop now.

i don't have anything to say today. except, maybe i should update more?

virtual sites are damn addicting! DAMN ADDICTING.




and i hate homework. our teacher gave us "EXTRA QUESTIONS" on TOP of this big lab we had to do. blah, no one gives extra questions! NOBODY. and of course they were the only questions i really didn't understand at all. i thought bio would be fun. D: not all this chemistry crap that i suck at.

i hate dial up too. because it hogs the phone line and then my parents get mad because i hog the phone line but then i'm like "well then get me better internet" and they're like "uh,no" so ..yeah.

otherwise, I FEEL GREAT TODAY. i love staying home alone.

i heard you on my wireless back in '52. lying awake intent on tuning in on you.

OH OH. i met your children! (creepy!) OH OH! what did you tell them?

i love the 80s. AND I'M GOING TO BRING THEM BACK, BITCHES. with the aid of a friend of mine, of course.

i saw silent hill last night, with my cousin. it was slightly creepy. (SPOILER'D) i felt really bad for the cop. being burnt alive must really suck. she was a nice cop. and my cousin kept calling her a lesbian because of her haircut. and i was like "stfu punk" because i hate people who just assume other people are gay. if they want you to know they're gay, they'll tell you. who freaking cares.

friends and friends are friends.
(and fish are friends not food)




VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR. D:

i hate it when the entire house is quiet. i feel like my typing is the only thing the whole world can hear.

so today i went to a buddhist temple. that was cool. actually first i visited a synagogue. that was... really... freaking... boring. the guy must have been nervous or something because he kept stuttering and saying "uh.." and the place was SO small. he was like "i'll give you a tour of the synagogue" and i'm like "ITS ONE FREAKIN' ROOM" but i didn't say that. i only thought it. the only slightly interesting part about it was getting to see the torah (a huge parchment with the first five books) all written in calligraphy. DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG THAT WOULD TAKE TO WRITE? like a year! literally!

a year of writing!

and you know what?
if the person writing it messes up, they have to throw it out.
THE WHOLE DAMN THING.
AND START OVER.

that sucks. majorly.
what if you were on like the LAST letter. and someone (cough, like me) came over and jabbed your calligraphy pen? YOU WOULD HAVE TO THROW IT ALL OUT AND START OVER. thats like a year of your life gone.

and, AND... if you drop the torah, you have to fast for 40 days. AND if you WITNESS someone dropping the torah, you have to fast for 7 days. lmfao. insane.

the buddhist temple was interesting though. there was a 15 foot high statue made out of like copper or something from china. how cool is that. it was actually kind of intimidating. our tour guide, a monk, was so cute. like old man cute. dawh.

"what if i bump into you, and say, 'you idiot! what are you doing there?!' you say... 'thank you, goodbye!' or.... 'what a pity... bye bye!'"

that guy was amazing. my friend bought REPLICA coins. lmfao. what a sucker. she said the old man was so cute she just had to. CONS! replica coins... omg. 5 seconds later she was like "...why did i buy these?!"

kthatsallfortodaaaay. LATER.

...my chemical romance fan.

oh god.

there. i said it. i can't believe it.
k. the first step to solving something is admitting that you have a problem.

but i can't help it.
i hope no one reads these. hahaha.
gerard way is a very cool name. it just is. gerard. i've never met a person in my entire life with that name, even though it doesn't seem like its so unordinary. it just... is.

anyways. i never write here. i think its just too much hassle to come here every day and type something about my boring life. there isn't even anything to say.

art class is getting seriously retarded. i feel cramped in a way. like i've got no room to expand into my own style or do things that i want to do. not to mention there are a couple of people in the class that just like to make it hell. why would you mix an open class with an advanced class anyways? why do i have to sit there while they colour (NOT MAKE, COLOUR) comic books while i have to paint and sketch and super-multitask all at the same time?

and can i just say that i hate using references? like sure, collecting stuff that inspires you and shit, i can handle that. but having references for every damn piece of work that i do? can't anything just come from my mind anymore? why does it always have to be like something that someone else did. i'd rather just LEARN about stuff that other people did than try to copy their techniques and "the style of the baroque era" or whatever. newsflash. the baroque era is OVER. we are in modern times, people! bah (humbug).

AND I NEED A JOB.

I AM FOR HIRE.
HIRE ME. NOW.

i need the monies so that i can get stuff that i want to get without having to ask my mother for money because i hate asking her for money! i feel so grubby.

grubby is a funny word. definitely makes it into my list of top 20 words ever.
not that i have a list of top 20 words ever, i just kind of made that up right now.
but if i DID, grubby would be in there.

ps. if anyone has last.fm, you can get me at last.fm/puresunlight

yeah i know its a lame name (a poet and i didnt even know it) but i had to choose something and it was sunny so it just came to my name. and i hate name that are like... pure___sunlight_3847124

man is that ever annoying.

so. i was talking with my friend the other day, and we have this amazing idea of making an album with a collection of songs that would sound completely ridiculous if a radio announcer or someone on like muchmusic was to announce it. like.. a song called "A Song" or "Completely Amazing" or "A Horrible Song". So it would sound like "And that was a song!" or "And now, we're going to play a horrible song." Not that we would actually ever do it, because we're lazy. well actually, she's not. she's really tankin' good and writes her own songs and sings her own songs and she's a really amazing soprano. and me?

i'm an alto.

yeah. i know you're all out there going "oooooh... darn."
well.

shutup, k. just because i can't hit like a high E... stfu.

i'm gonna go now. later.